Time for me challenge update

I am very thankful that I decide to challenge myself to make time for me.

I’m ahead in all my courses bar my dissertation (which can’t be helped I need to experiment on others hehe) and am so far averaging 75% for this year 😀

I’m feeling fitter and stronger and today noticed how strong and flexible I felt in my yoga practice I even managed to hold crow pose 😀

Even though I’ve not lost weight like I wanted I am feeling much more healthy both in body and mind and this to me is a much greater benefit then being skinny

All in all taking those measures to make time for myself has really helped me improvem y life. 2016 could be my best year yet

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Trying to have a more positive mindset

I’m trying to have a more positive perspective on the world, although my first spin is often negative especially when stressed I’m trying to take a step back and look at it again before I decide everythings going wrong.

At the moment I’m very stressed and its causing my depression to act up again. I’ve got so many deadlines all so close together and I need time for myself and my social life as well making everything much harder for me. Most days in early January I just wanted to curl into a ball and scream! But then I took a step back a few deep breaths and looked at everything I’ve achieved; how much progress I’d made and thought of ways I could combat these problems.

As mentioned in my earlier post I created the time for me challenges to encourage myself to stop and relax. I haven’t yet managed doing yoga daily but 4/7s a good start ;). I’m eating a more balanced, healthy diet that in turn makes me feel more positive as I feel less sluggish and ick :).

On top of this I’ve created a timetable for my week with so I know when I’ve got lectures, when I’ve got workout time, freetime and a cut off point at 22:00 so that I continue to stop work at a reasonable hour. This has made me more organised and I’ve already completed 2/4 assignments due in the next month – would be 3 if one wasn’t a presentation on my dissertation. :O

I’m still having problems but this is just the next part in my recovery and I KNOW I will be stronger for it – even if some days it still all bares down and breaks me.

Time for me

This year I have decided that I need to make sure I make more time for me.

I have noticed that all the deadlines looming that this academic year, the pressure to have a social life, the need for money was already getting to me, so I’ve decided to challenge myself to making more time for me.

Last week I challenged myself to stop doing work at 10:00 at night and have some downtime. This meant that I was able to watch TV, chill out and calm down. On top of this it means I was putting away the stress of work earlier and actually managing to rest (a bit more) when it came to sleeping – which in turn meant I got up earlier increasing my overall productivity.

This week I have challenged myself to having a yoga session for most mornings of the week (I at least want 5/7). I always feel better during the day when I have done this so want to add more of this in to my life.

I need to remember I am important to 

Sexism doesn’t exist, you say?…

ponderingsofatwentysomething

Over the past couple of weeks, I have begun to call out colleagues on their unintentional sexist remarks or attitudes. This has meant having constructive discussion with some of them about why I hold those opinions and explaining my standpoint. This is certainly a positive thing as it calls into question why I hold certain beliefs and values, encourages others to consider that, enables me to explain thoroughly and logically so that others can truly understand the everyday experience of being a female.

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New Year, New Perspective

In the past year I feel I’ve grown a lot as a person, and gained a new perspective on my life.

Last September I embarked in a year abroad in Holland in order to rescue my mental health and drag myself out of a depressing rut. There I managed to help myself recover, become more independent meaning that when I feel myself slipping down its much easier to fight my way back to the top.

It also showed me that no matter how depressed and broken I am I can still make good quality friendships with lovely, caring people which gave me a whole new perspective on the relationships I have back home and allowed me to realise who I really want in my life.

I’ve also that I need to stop worrying so much about other people’s happiness and focus on my own! That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring I’ve just decided to be more selective in who I care about.When people bring more negativity to my life than positivity and cause me to suffer from a lot of them-related anxiety they don’t get to stick around anymore.

My counsellor made a very good point to me in my session before christmas sometimes the people you meet who you take under your wing because you want to be kind to the person who doesn’t seem to have any friends may be like that for good reason. Sometimes the crowd are not ostracising someone to be dicks but solely because there’s something that means they don’t want them around. Sometimes you need to listen to your intuition instead of overriding it in order to be nice. 

I want to be nice but I don’t want to be that pushover who can be manipulated and used by people anymore. I deserve friends who want me in my life as much as I want them and I’m not going to settle for anything less anymore.

Its about time I lived for me not the rest of the world I need to focus on my own happiness and my own future and caring for the relationships that I want to keep around.

This year I’m going to focus on ensuring that I can make the best out of my life. As:

“The trick is to enjoy life. Don’t wish away your days waiting for better ones ahead.” -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

So I’m going to focus on bettering myself so I can enjoy the life I have instead of waiting on a future I may never have.

This year is for me 

“These are the best days of your life”

“These are the best days of your life” …”the best days of your life”…“the best days”… 

If these are the best days of my life I don’t want the rest of it 

People have been telling me from about the middle of secondary school – the end of uni that these are/will be the best days of my life.

I really hope they’re wrong.

For me these times have been the most horrible, stressful, shitty years of my life.

I’ve been bullied and broken.

I’ve been rejected over and over again.

I’ve battled repeated depressive episodes.

I’ve been given a variety of diagnoses as none of my Doctors seem to agree.

I’m in my last year of uni now and I’m already counting down to the end. Till I can move on from this shit storm and hopefully on to bigger and better things.

But every time I’m told these are the best days of my life. I feel like I’ve failed.

I’ve failed to enjoy these amazing times and take the wonderful oppurtunites that I supposedly have right now.

I honestly can’t wait for my future, even if it does involve becoming a “proper adult” (eeeek).

But for me uni hasn’t provided the home I need and I haven’t found my tribe like I thought I would. Instead its proved to me that my kind of people aren’t these kind of people.

I’ve got so many dreams for the future I desperately  want to travel the world and explore what it has to offer (hopefully with my amazing partner by my side).

I want to find my niche in my field and work out what I want to do as my career-career but I want to actually enjoy my youth before that.

I’m looking forward to moving out even though it will feel weird to have to be completely self-sufficient my year abroad taught me that I can do it when I need to.

I have so many things that I’m looking forward to, I’m hoping with all my heart that people are wrong when they tell me that these are the best years of my life.

This is where I'm going to deal with my reality